Lions and Tigers And—What…Housepets? OhMy!
by CHAILYN
Summary: The witch cackled hitting the brothers Winchester with one of her best curses and turning them into…household pets? Oh dear, this couldn’t be right, could it? Summary inside, just a fun crack!fic. You'll never look at your pets the same!
1. Chapter 1

**Lions and Tigers And--What…Housepets?**

_Summary: A deliciously silly crackfic in which our favorite demon hunting brothers get turned into house pets. To be done in Three Parts._

_A/N: This story has not been beta-ed. Just something fun to work on and try to take my mind off of some fics that I am still trying to decide where I want to go with them. Inspired by my kitty, whose name is Dean, just like my favorite Winchester lol.

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The witch cackled hitting the brothers Winchester with one of her best curses and turning them into…household pets? Oh dear, this couldn't be right, could it?

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They were lucky enough to be discovered by a teenage girl on her way home from afternoon classes who brought them home to rescue them from their horrible predicament of being an abandoned kitten and puppy. She checked them for tags and only found one with their names neatly engraved: Sammy, the puppy, and Dean the kitty.

Strange, she thought, Dean didn't exactly strike her as the name of a cat, especially not one as adorable as this orange and white calico. "Dean, huh?" she questioned, picking him up. "That's not very cat-like is it?"

You have no idea, sister, Dean thought, and tried to say, however he only came up with a long meow like howl.

"Aw, aren't you just adorable. With all that nice pretty fur…hmm, why don't we call you Fluffy."

Dean's eye's widened, at least he hoped to god they did. He wasn't sure, could a cat's eyes widen? He made a note to ask Sam to look it up…when they once again had pose-able thumbs. Fluffy? What was she trying to do to him? He was a guy for god's sake, naming a male cat Fluffy what was wrong with this chick?

"Here you go." She rifled through her backpack and pulled out half of a ham sandwich and giving him the ham.

Dean chowed it down, it was good and he felt unusually hungry.

"Yummy, huh, Fluffy?"

Dean contemplated trying to hiss but forgave her for the horrible indescrepancy as she picked him up and rubbed between his ears, he really, really liked that.

He sighed--well, purred--though he was lax to admit it and was actually okay when she picked up his bag and started to walk away, Sam following and looking pouty. Dean wasn't sure that if dogs could pout, if not, Sammy here was making history.

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"Dean, we have got to get out of here and find a way to fix this, to get that witch to make us human again." Sam said.

Dean was eating, Sarah, the girl that had brought them home always left out a nice treat for each of them and Dean had quickly realized that if he ate his early, her little sister would give him another nice treat.

"Dean, are you listening to me?" Sam was annoyed, and it came out as a sharp bark. The witch hadn't even had the decency to turn him into a full size dog and Dean constantly had been teasing him about being a chick dog. A bichon frise, and that damn little girl kept putting him in those damn doll clothes.

"Relax Sam." Dean meowed, turning back to his food.

"Relax?! Dean, we're freaking house pets!" Sam exclaimed.

"You're just jealous that Sarah kicked you off of the bed last night and let me sleep with her." Dean shot back.

Sam growled. "I-oh damn it!" The little girl was coming back doll clothes and the stupid carriage in hand. Before Sam could say anything else she swept him up and dumped him unceremoniously into the carriage.

"C'mon princess, let's go play dress up. You can be the baby and I'll be the mommy."

She surely enough set an open can of cat food in front of Dean just he had speculated that she would.

"Bye princess." Dean laughed, at least tried to, he still couldn't get more than a meow, or the occasional hiss and growl. Dean ate his food and then pranced off to go and find someone to rub his belly and scratch his ears, maybe feed him again…and then maybe settle down for an early mid-morning nap.

* * *

Dean was enjoying this life quite well. Cats certainly had the life; they sleep, they eat, they sleep, people like to pet him and make him purr--it was a good life. It also didn't hurt that Sarah was pretty, he made a note to try and hook up with her when he was human. Another plus side of being the cat was that she told him everything--and let him see everything…it was quite the good life. 

Sam was pretty sure that all the catnip that Sarah let his brother have was going to Dean's head. They were _house pets _and his brother saw no problem with this. Sure the pampering and petting and attention was fun but…they couldn't stay animals forever. They had to get back to the witch and Dean had to apologize for whatever he said that made her turn them into animals, and then they had a job to get back to. Sam made a point to keep his brother away from the cat nip and not to let him get near anymore alcohol. The saucer of Heineken had nearly sent Dean in a tailspin. He was drunk for days and still was walking a bit clumsily. Clearly, catlike reflexes did not apply to not real cats. He was much better as a human than as a cat.

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"Hey Fluffy," Sam said, with a bark-laugh. "Nice fur."

While sitting in the bathroom with Sarah as she took her bath—Dean couldn't believe the amazing privileges he got as a cat—Dean had fallen into the bath water and now looked like a giant orange cotton ball now that his fur had been fluffed and dried.

"Bite me." Dean muttered, walking away to get a belly rub.

"Don't push me." Sam warned. Dean's constant ignoring of the fact they'd been house pets for over a week was starting to make him angry. They couldn't stay like this forever, no matter how enjoyable Dean may find it.

Dean could not believe he was being made fun of by a four legged creature that couldn't even climb the stairs without someone taking pity on the short legged puffy haired princess and carrying him up there. It wasn't his fault that cats couldn't hold their liquor like he could…Sam was such a goody two shoes.

"No Dean don't do this….no dean don't do that….no, Dean, we have to leave!" Dean sniffed, he was having fun. Lounging around was most certainly superior than spending his days hunting the supernatural. No one rubbed his belly! He was not gonna be giving that up anytime soon. He liked having people live to please him and make him purr!

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_So I hoped you liked it! Reviews are greatly appreciated. And is it just me or does Dean really strike you as somewhat catlike? Pleasure, food, sleep? Definitly sounds like my cat. lol. and if anyone is waiting on updates of any of my supernatural fics, don;t worry, I know its been awhile but updates are in the works. Thanks for reading! Part 2 will be concentrating on the dog days of princess a.k.a. sammy._


	2. Chapter 2

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**Lions, and Tigers, and--What! Housepets? Oh My.**

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everyone who reviewed, thank you. everyone who liked and didn't review, adn are back for more, thanks! sorry it took so long, but my laptop decided--as did my cat--that it shouldn't work anymore and so yesterday the nice boy at the computer store gave it back to me and i died of happiness but im back now with some more crack. hope you enjoy...just don't OD on it lol. yeah, i know, that was really lame.

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As Dean was cuddled up on the sofa next to Sarah enjoying a petting, he decided that she was officially his favorite person. Yes, hands down he was head over heels in love with the way her fingers seemed to find their way to hit just the right spots that made him purr. She was in the middle of scratching him in between the ears when she abruptly stood up, and he almost fell to the ground. Dean could not believe how unceremoniously she had just acted, he hadn't been treated like that since he became a cat! 

Dean meowed plaintively, he wasn't done, she still hadn't rubbed his belly yet and it was only over once she had scratched his belly! They had been doing this for awhile now and she knew the routine.

"Sorry Fluffy." She said cuddling him before setting him down on the ground with a kiss on his nose.  
"I'm late for class, we'll play when I get home."

Dean allowed her to leave, with every intention of nosing through her closet and looking for the bag of peanut m&m's he saw her stash in there the previous night. It might be a challenge without thumbs, but he was a Winchester after all, he could take any challenge that came his way...especially if it led to peanut m&m's.

Dean was on his way up the stairs when he walked past the door and ran—literally—into Sam.

Sam yelped as the sharp cat claws punctured through the skin on his behind.

"Sorry?" Dean said, Sam seemed to be looking extra mad. But it was an accident after all, he was still trying to get used to those claws. They were useful though, it made him feel kind of like Freddie Krueger—if Freddie had no thumbs, that was.

"Dean! Watch the damn claws!" Sam barked, more menacingly than you would picture a bichon frise to be capable of, the great big fluff balls that they were.

"Cranky much, Princess? Did the little girl take away your tiara." Dean was laughing so hard that he sounded like a meow mix commercial.

Sam growled, "Its all well and good enough for _you, you _have a litter box! I have to wait forever for them to let me go out..." Sam pawed at the door as the dad walked by, but he didn't see him. "You have no idea..."

Sam's voice trailed off as he looked over at Dean and saw that his brother didn't seem to be listening to his overfilled bladder plight but was licking himself.

"Dean! Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes," Dean paused as he felt a catch in the back of his throat. "Fur ball." Dean coughed. "Now, what were you saying?"

Sam barked, and this time the mom walked by and let him out to go and do his business. Humans clearly did not understand what it was like to wait on someone else when you needed to do your business, it was terribly uncomfortable. And he learned quickly just to hold it, he peed on the kitchen floor once by accident and the mom whacked him in the nose with a paper. That hurt!

"Later." Sam told his brother before escaping outdoors.

"Clearly." Dean smirked, or at least tried, cats couldn't quite smirk but he did his best. He was a one of a kind cat.

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Sam had just relieved himself and had every intention of going inside and cuddling up with the mom who would let him snuggle up on her lap, and watch some daytime TV, maybe have a snack...then the little girl from hell, better known as Kimmy came out and ruined it all. She walked out carrying a leash and that damn little pink tutu and he just could feel that the day was going to go downhill from there. 

"Let's go Princess. Mommy says that Sarah won't mind if I take you to my friends party, theirs going to be lots of other dogs there too so you can make some friends aside from Fluffy."

Kimmy held him tight and wrestled him into the pink tutu with Sam knew from experience was nearly impossible to get out of. He swore this kid was a demon of some kind, if he could speak English he'd be double checking to make sure that she didn't flinch or that her eyes turned black at "christo".

"And don't worry." Kimmy continued as they made their way down the block to her friend's house. "Fluffy won't be lonely, the twins are coming over so that mommy can watch them while Auntie Lucy sets up for their birthday party they're gonna be two years old today and they'll love him to bits."

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Dean had been quite mistaken when he connected the phrases, "child's party" and "fun." Those were not synonymous. Or at least, two year old twins, and small cat were not.

These children were evil, and for the love of all that was holy, no one saw it. They poked at him, prodded at him, tormented him. He couldn't run from it, he couldn't hide, and most importantly he couldn't find Sam! Where the hell was Sam when he was being tormented by two year old she-devils,, that he couldn't even tell apart!

Dean was in the kitchen, desperately looking for a hiding spot to get away from Lara and Tara, when he heard Sam' name mentioned. Well, Sam's dog name.

"Yeah, Kimmy took Princess to a party with her, they were both really excited."

Dean would be damned, here he was fighting for his life, against evil demonic twin girls and Sam was at a party? Unbelievable! Dean hissed in annoyance, bad move, he thought in hindsight as he felt himself being picked up by kitty enemy number one, also known as Lara...or Tara.

"Come one Fluffy," She said, then turned to her sister, Dean assumed she was the older and brains of the operation, though that wasn't saying much. "Lets go Tara, lets go and drop Fluffy into the pool. Grandma says that a kitty will always land on its feet."

Dean meowed desperately. He needed a voice, he needed to be human, he needed his gun, he needed opposable thumbs! They were going to drown him at this rate, they couldn't drown him. What was more undignified than that, he was a Winchester...at least let him be eaten alive by angry frog and mice spirits!

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Sam was going to kill his brother, he swore on all that was holy, his brother was a dead cat. They could be hunting demons right now, they could be getting laid, they could be doing anything. But, no, Dean was a freaking idiot and couldn't keep his mouth shut and now they were pets. Not only was he a pet, but he was a male bichon frise in a freaking pink tutu and the other dogs wouldn't stop laughing at him! It was embarrassing and completely un-winchester like.

"Lets give each other and the puppies manicures!" One of the girls squealed.

"Thats a great idea." Kimmy agreed. "We can open a puppy salon. We can give them baths and curl their fur and put bows in it."

As she grabbed Sam, he wondered where the hell a parent was. Wasn't animal torture illegal? He'd like to call PETA and have them arrest this girl because if this wasn't animal torture he didn't know what the hell was.

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Dean was truly terrified of the twins. They were his new fear, he could take anything over them, he'd rather be on a crashing 747 than playing hide and hope to god the spawn of satan didn't find him.

They'd nearly just about drowned him playing 'lets see if kitty lands on his feet.' His only comment on that game was that he was pretty sure it didn't apply to throwing cats in the water, but hey, it was just a thought.

Dean was curled up in the bathtub, waiting out the little demons when he was discovered. And he'd be damned but it was no one but Sarah, who betrayed his hiding spot.

"Hey girls...I found Fluffy!" she called out, "Why don't you came and get him, play with him some, he looks a bit sad."

Sad? Are you out of your freaking mind girl? I'm terrified! Next thing I know they're gonna try to pull off my tail just to see if it pops off.

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Sam felt violated. He'd been dunked in water, his fur itched from soap not being washed out...he didn't care what that one girl said, he did not have fleas! He was much too clean for that. But the worst of all were the burns on his butt from the curling iron. Did this girl think he had buns of steel or something? It burned, it really, really burned, and if this what it felt like every time girls curled their hair...they were freaking crazy.

"We're almost done Princess." Kimmy said, quite perkily, she was having a lot of fun. "And then you'll look pretty and all the boy dogs will want to love you."

Sam growled, and grimaced—or maybe not, he wasn't sure dogs could grimace. What now the kid was going to pimp him out? Had she forgotten that under the bows and the tutu and the nail polish...HE WAS A BOY DOG! A boy, and would it kill her to treat him like one? He wasn't ever going to be able to live it down it Dean saw him like this, though if the girl kept it up, he may not have to worry, he was pretty sure she had roasted his bum like a marshmallow, so maybe he'd die and be saved the embarrassment.

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Dean needed help.

However, it was not the kind of help that his brother would joke about him needing. Right now he'd just settle for someone to help him get the stupid plastic bags off of his paws that demon seed one and two tied on quite tightly. You wouldn't imagine so but it was really quite difficult to walk like that.

He also wouldn't object to someone helping him out and locking the brats in the closet.

Dean had to stop every few steps to try and shake the bags off of his feet but it was futile. He wondered if there was such a thing as a kitty .45...or even being able to pick up a handful of salt would be comforting. He felt so defenseless, and deserted. He couldn't believe his brother deserted him to go to a party.

Even after all of this torture, they didn't even spare a piece of cake for him.

It was the icing on the cake for him, and beyond cruel.

He wished he'd never made that stupid wart-filled face witch mad.

He really, really wished he didn't. Sam was right, they had to break out of here and get back there, and he had to try to apologize...beg for thumbs back.

And he hoped to god no one had touched his impala, 'cause if they did, thumbs or not he would cause them great pain.

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_Oh, and I have to credit the idea of angry frog and mice spirits to **supernaturalsammy67**, now doesn't the idea of them make you want to not dissect? Okay, that's my rant, and plug, and credit. Check out her stuff...she rocks, and inspired quite a few ideas for this fic. thanks for reading guys, and i'll have a new chapter up asap, hopefully by sunday at the latest._


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